capturethefag: I’m going to punch every genital you own
i dont know why, but i never eat the trunk part of broccoli. i only eat the flower head. so whenever i finish eating them, theres all these green stalks on my plate.
i really want to cut out this stupid built in sport bra thing in our tennis uniform.
omg my grandpa today was going crazy. but not really. just more forgetful than usual so he was telling my brother about his favorite room and that no one is allowed in there and he pointed outside and we were all like ummm then my mom said “go show him your room” so my grandpa led my brother outside on his porch and then they came back inside and he told us never to go in his...
that lipton ice tea commercial where the girl turns into that weird liquid stuff actually terrifies me.
me: it's hot in here
brother: you're always hot
i just had one of those awesome dreams where everything was perfect and stuff and then i woke up and now i want to cry and sleep my life away to continue that marvelous dream:’(
my parents are arguing in the kitchen but thats where the food is
me: can i go on a diet?
varsityslut: i don’t have a boyfriend but i have a bowl full of cheez-its and i think that might almost be better
suburbanturban: claire sawyer future lawyer
omg so i was making some chocolate milk and my mom was sleepwalking and walked into the kitchen and flickered the lights on and off really fast then left them off and was like “mom what the heck?” then she replied “oh sorry” then turned the lights back on then she walked to the kitchen table and put some socks on and when she left she did the light flickering thing again...
i remember last night when the doctor came in, the first thing he said was “congratulations you’re not pregnant”